My dear friend, poet Dessa Byrd Reed, often spends holidays alone as a widow. However, she doesn’t see this, as many people often do, as a depressing circumstance. In a November 2000 POETIC VOICES interview, she said, “Because I am single and live alone, I eat out a lot. I love to talk to strangers. That's one of my favorite things. I go out for breakfast and talk to people.”

Another talented writer, Leslie Lafayette, dealt with being a childless woman by choice in WHY DON’T YOU HAVE KIDS?: Living a Full Life Without Parenthood. You can bet that because of her choice many people would pity her. She writes the “Alone Again, Naturally” column for the outstanding magazine THE DESERT WOMAN. Observers might conclude she’s miserable on the holidays.

Both Leslie and Dessa have full lives and radiate Christmas cheer, not just in December but all year round. While we all need human contact, it’s a mistake to conclude that people without the traditional family dinner are all on suicide watch. Anyone who has negotiated where to have Christmas and which family members can come when, not to mention refereed in-law and spouse disputes, knows that the allure of having a table for one at Christmas is powerful.

However, when people aren’t alone by choice, Christmas can be lonely. In Michigan, I interviewed a woman, the founder of a divorced and widowed support group, who chose to have Christmas dinner every year for lonely widows, widowers and divorced people, usually from her support group. Her children understood that she needed to start this new tradition in her new life.

Similarly, having children around, even with the relentless gimmes and commercialism, lends a special magic to Christmas, which is why playing Santa appeals to so many.

The holidays can be joyous if you’re alone, or they can be difficult. As with so much, your feelings depend on your personality, your circumstances, your childhood, and in many cases on medical or psychological conditions.

Some tips to remember if you’re alone or without your support system:

*Take advantage of counseling services in your community, including from your local church, synagogue, temple or other place of worship.

*Take time out for spirituality. You might attend services just to experience human contact and community. People are generally nicer at Christmas.

*Do all the things you wanted to do but couldn’t in your former life. Travel. Even in this post-9/11 world, you can visit faraway places. There are many tour groups for singles.

*Attend art walks, holiday concerts, lectures, and movie screenings alone. Or invite a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.

*Volunteer—it’s a wonderful way to make friends, stay active, and feel fulfilled.

*Go out to dinner alone! While women in particular feel uncomfortable, project an air of confidence. You are a strong, vital woman. This doesn’t mean that you should go bar-hopping or take risks alone at night. But you have the right to ask for a table for one without feeling as though people are judging you. (Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice.)

*Gather a circle of friends or people in the same situation—just make sure the evening doesn’t turn into a pity party.

*Don’t overdrink, overeat or do drugs. It’s just not a good tradition.

*Bake cookies if you’re so inclined. Cookies make wonderful Christmas presents and ways to reconnect with your friends.

Does so-called "positive thinking" have any real effect on a woman’s mental health and physical health? Can a change in your thinking actually change your health? The answer is yes, according to a scientific study at the University of Pennsylvania.

The study found that those who responded optimistically to adversity lived longer those who responded pessimistically to adversity.

Adversity and stress visit us all on a regular basis. A quick test of your own current state of optimism is the reaction you have when reading the above paragraphs. Some people gain hope and confidence from the news. Others feel helpless and shake their heads while muttering something negative. We all see both reactions in life and unfortunately the negative thinking seems to be more common.

Parade magazine reports that in a recent survey, 250,000 women said the number one problem they face every day is stress. One way to face stressful challenges and overcome them is to think optimistic thoughts about how you plan to rise above the situation and solve the problem. Imagine yourself victorious.

Some women say “But I don’t have any imagination.” Sure you do. Every time you worry about something that doesn’t happen you have imagined the worst. You are using your imagination to visualize your worries. Use this same process but imagine the best and visualize things going right instead of things going wrong.

As You Think, So Shall You Become

Author James Allen wrote the following poetic advice over 100 years ago:

“Strong, pure and happy thoughts build up the body in vigor and grace. The body is a delicate and pliable instrument, which responds readily to the thoughts by which it is impressed, and habits of thought will produce their own effects, good or bad, upon it.

Thought is the fount of action, life and manifestations; make the fountain pure, and all will be pure.

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind. If you would renew your body, beautify your mind.

As you cannot have a sweet and wholesome home unless you admit the air and sunshine freely into your rooms, so a strong body and a bright, happy, or serene face can only result from the free admittance into the mind of thoughts of joy and good will and serenity.

There is no physician like cheerful thought for dissipating the ills of the body; there is no comforter to compare with good will for dispersing the shadows of grief and sorrow. To live continually in thoughts of ill will, cynicism, suspicion, and envy, is to be confined in a self-made prison. But to think well of all, to be cheerful with all, to patiently learn to find the good in all --such unselfish thoughts are the very portals of heaven; and to dwell day by day in thoughts of peace toward every creature will bring abounding peace to their possessor.”

What makes a healthy personality? According to Emerson, “An individual has a healthy personality to the exact degree to which they have the propensity to look for the good in every situation.”

Try that for one day. Look for the good in every situation. Find the silver lining in every cloud. See if you don’t have a better day than usual.

When you meet up with someone who is thinking negative, remember this little joke and smile: When a grouch was given this advice he said, “I was going to try positive thinking once... but then I figured what the heck is the use in trying.”

Four years ago, my burnout at work had reached the point of crisis. I knew what it was like to be enthusiastic and warm and positive, but I found it impossible to summon up those feelings that had come so easily in the past. The nurses and other doctors noticed that I was no longer the same Dr. Shelton they thought they knew.

One morning, the psychologist in charge of our mental health branch called me up and asked if I would be willing to visit Doby, the traditional healer. I reluctantly agreed, because I knew the psychologist cared about me.

I felt awkward, though, and I didn't really expect the healer to be able to help me. How would he understand when I couldn't even explain what was going on with me? My hesitancy was complicated by the fact that I was the medical director at a clinical center created for the purpose of helping and treating the Native People. I wasn't supposed to become one of their patients!

At the mental health building I was greeted by Doby, a short, thick, elderly native man with a white crew cut, dressed in a Pendleton vest and blue jeans. In the corner sat a middle-aged man with a drum who, I learned later, was the his son.

We sat down at a small table in the center of the room.

"So, what's going on?" he said. I started with, "Well, it's getting harder and harder for me to come to work." He put up his hand abruptly, signaling for me to stop. He told me a story about the time of his father's death. The healer didn't want or need to hear any more about my problem. I was a little troubled by this. I didn't see how this rambling story about his father was going to help.

Finally the healer completed his story and said, "Okay, I'll see what I can do." He came over to me. Placing his hands over my head, he began to sing a native song. I felt respectful, present, and open, but to be honest, I didn't expect anything beneficial to come of this. Doby sang for another five minutes or so, and then he was done.

He announced, "Your spirit had left you, and I put it back." I was astounded. What sort of thing was that to say? I felt no different. I almost laughed, but I didn't want to offend this kind man. After all, he was only trying to help me.

I thanked him and left. What an interesting experience, I thought. As I began seeing patients, my skepticism and amusement quickly turned to marvel. I was back! I was able to address each patient and problem with the natural sense of compassion and creativity I had known before. At the end of the day, I was still energized. I felt wonderful!

Unfortunately, over the next few weeks I began to feel less energetic and increasingly irritable. I knew I couldn't keep seeing the traditional healer over and over. I needed to find some way to nourish and develop my spirituality. After much pondering, I became convinced that if I could discover how to stay spiritually connected and in balance with the whole of life my burnout would dissolve.

The Native American concept of wellness led me to a solution to my struggle with burnout. In the Native American understanding, you are well when all aspects of your life are in balance and in harmony. There is a sense of inner peace and wholeness. It is more than the absence of disease, or enjoying good health. You thus might be well while living with a chronic illness. This kind of wellness is reflected in behaviors and attitudes; how you respond to situations, problems, or people. Wellness means having a sense of poise and serenity that allows you to respond creatively and responsibly in a crisis.

How do we improve on our state of wellness? In the Native community where I work every day, I hear constant references to "the wellness circle." The circle is an important sacred symbol for Native Americans. It represents the cycles of life, the four seasons, the four directions, the heavens, Mother Earth, and the universe. It represents a holistic symbol of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health in its broadest sense, revealing the parts of human nature that must be nourished to bring a person to wholeness.

The Native American wellness circle describes four aspects or dimensions of life: physical (what one does), mental (what one thinks), emotional (what one feels), and spiritual (what one believes). When all four dimensions of life are in balance and functioning at an optimum level, a person is considered to be physically fit, mentally stimulated, emotionally adjusted, and spiritually connected. To be well, then, means to have vitality in each part of life, and to have all of these parts in relative balance.

1. Educate yourself about your friend or family members illness, the symptoms and treatments. Read all you can about it, from reliable sources.
2.Give said family members or friends, your unconditional love and support. Offer reassurance for the future, but mostly hope.
3.Do not try to fix your friend or family members problems on your own, you will frustrate yourself. Instead encourage him or her to get professional help.
4.Always keep in mind, that a mood disorder affects a person's attitudes and beliefs. If the person in question says things like, "nothing good will ever happen to me", "no one loves or cares about me", "I have learned all there is to know of all the secrets in this world", it's easy to jump to the conclusion that it is their illness speaking for them. With treatment your friend or family member will realize that what they had been thinking is not a reflection of reality.
5.You should have realistic expectations of and for your loved ones. He or she can recover fully,though it will not happen over night. Be patient and have a hopeful attitude.
6.Keep in mind this is a real illness, also that this is a treatable condition. This is a real physical illness that affects the brain. It is as real as is Diabetes or asthma. This is not a character flaw or personal weakness. It is not caused by anything you or anyone else did. It is a genetic disorder.Though it may not show up till many years later.
7.Do Not demand that your friend or family member "snap out of it". They cannot snap out of it anymore than, say a person with cancer, liver disease,or high blood pressure without treatment.
8.Most importantly take good care of yourself. Keep in mind that there are many support groups out there.Understanding family and or friends can and usually will help you through this.

You may ask yourself, How can i help my loved one who has bipolar disorder, or symptoms of severe depression?

1.Take threats of suicide or any mention of it seriously. Do not assume this person is just trying to get attention.
2.Encourage he or she to get immediate help. Then you yourself should contact a professional right away.
3.Do not promise your friend or family member you will keep this secret. You may need to tell a Doctor or a family member the plan's of suicide or the thought's that are being harbored, in order to save their very life.
4.Find out if your friend or family member has a plan in place. Talking about it does not have to mean you are helping them to plant the seed of suicide. Most often He or She may need to talk about it and welcome discussing it.
5. Listen to them, listening is very important.Offer your help.
6.Suggest that your friend or family member contact a suicide hot line such as (800)442-HOPE if he or she is alone and in need of immediate help.
7.Let your loved one know that he or she is very important to you, and others. Remind this person that these thoughts of suicide are another symptom of the illness they suffer from,and is treatable.
8.Make sure that your friend or family member do not have access to weapons and or large quantities of medications, or anything else that could be dangerous.

If you drink alcohol, smoke, don’t eat well and don’t exercise, you might be blocking your recovery from anxiety and panic.

By reducing alcohol and caffeine from the diet and adding more exercise, however, you can help reduce your attacks and your reliance on medications and therapy.

One likely reason for this is that our bodies automatically respond to what goes into them, whether it’s stressful and negative thinking or foods that can harm us. When we drink alcohol and caffeine or eat too much sugary and starchy foods, our bodies instantly become defensive as they fight off the “invasion”.

The body and mind is one. What affects one affects the other. When we are happy and fulfilled, we are healthier. When we are sad and wanting, our bodies begin to break down and illness creeps in. The body reacts to invasive products like alcohol and smoke by feeling threatened.

When we eat healthy foods, our brain recognizes this and responds by giving us a sense of wellbeing. It’s that feeling we get after we have Sunday dinner with all the trimmings. Our body feels refreshed and content.

When we feed it unhealthy foods, our minds seek ways to correct the problem that it senses. This can trigger anxiety, much like the anxiety that can affect us when we are hungry or lack food for an extended time. Our minds know something is wrong and it panics.

This new British study seems to back up this theory.

Conducted by Dr. Rod Lambert of the School of Allied Health Professions, the study tested two groups of people. One group underwent traditional doctor-directed treatments such as medications and therapy. The other group also made specific lifestyle changes in their diet and habits.

The changes included removing or reducing alcohol and caffeine from the diet, cutting back on smoking, eating healthy nutritious foods and getting more exercise.

The results showed that those who made these lifestyle changes experienced less panic and anxiety in one month and required less doctor treatments than did those who did not make lifestyle changes.

Panic and anxiety can have a dramatic influence on our lives. They cause some people to fear stepping out of their homes. Others experience terrifying panic attacks while driving down the highway or while in public.

For some, their lives come to an immediate halt because they are so overwhelmed with the paralyzing dread that something horrific is going to happen to them. They live for years like this, struggling to build up the courage to seek therapy and attend regular sessions. Over time, the panic is so ingrained that they feel they will never be cured and believe they face a future filled with fear and dread.

This study shows that this doesn’t have to continue, and that there are other things a person can do besides relying on medications to get relief. By making healthy lifestyle choices – not smoking, not drinking alcohol, easing up on the caffeine and getting more exercise – they can see an improvement that marks the turning point in their lives.

Many phobias have their roots in childhood. It could be something you were scared of as a child, both real or imagined. Fear of the dark, fear of spider, fear of the unknown - these are all common childhood fears and they all have adult phobias associated with them. These types of fears are normal for children, but they can cause problems when they remain with us into adulthood.

A phobia is defined as an irrational dread, terror or fear that occurs during a relatively benign situation. Many people realize their fears are unfounded and irrational for the situation, but they are not able to overcome them.

Some of the common symptoms of phobias include:

• Racing heartrate
• Shortness of breath
• Sweaty hands
• The urge to flee

If left unchecked, a phobia can gradually get worse, resulting in more serious problems like anxiety disorders, panic attacks and extreme stress.

Severe phobias can have a negative affect on your day-to-day life. They can develop into social disorders, where a person avoid social contact for fear of their phobia being set off. They can also cause you to miss out on many great experiences.

For example, a person who has a fear of heights may never get to see the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower or the Grand Canyon. They may never travel far from home because they are unwilling to get on an airplane.

Phobias can be overcome with methods of dealing with the underlying fears. The way you've responded to something in the past doesn't have to be the way you do so now or in the future.

If you're dealing with an irrational fear and just are not able to overcome it, it would be wise to discuss it with your doctor or another qualified medical professional. They can offer some insight into the causes and offer the most effective treatment, given your particular situation.

When we hear the word lithium bipolar disorder inevitably comes to mind. It is well known that this substance has been effective in treating symptoms of manic-depressive illness.

The use of lithium for bipolar illness was rediscovered by an Australian psychiatrist who noticed the effect lithium (urate and salts) had on animals. The animals became tranquil and the doctor saw the potential for humans. He went on to administer it to patients who were suffering from mania. Since that time, it has been used as a treatment for manic-depressive disorder.

This substance is a naturally occurring mineral. It is found in certain rocks and in the sea and minute amounts show up in plant and animal tissues. Springs containing this mineral have been used for the soothing effects rendered. It comes as no surprise that lithium bipolar treatment has yielded positive results.

Today, lithium for bipolar illness is known as lithium carbonate or citrate and is administered under trade names such as Lithobid, Eskalith, Duralith, or Lithane. It was approved by the United States FDA in 1970 and is used as a mood-stabilizer.

Distributed in the central nervous system, it interacts with a number of receptors and neurotransmitters in the brain, decreasing noradrenaline release and increasing serotonin synthesis. Lithium bipolar treatments, therefore, have proven to be effective.

Because of possible toxic effects, using lithium for bipolar illness usually involves monitoring blood levels. Kidney and thyroid function will need evaluation as well. Regulation of sodium and water levels in the body can be affected, leading to dehydration. Long-term use is therefore contraindicated.

Psychotherapeutic medications act by controlling symptoms but, like most drugs, they only compensate for some malfunction in the body. They are not a cure for mental illness. Lithium bipolar treatments are part of a larger treatment approach that involves use of prescription medications and psychotherapy.

More information is becoming available about the correlation between nutritional deficiencies and body and brain imbalances. An exciting discovery has revealed that omega 3 fatty acids from fish oils render beneficial effects on brain functioning. Inositol has been shown to influence the action of several brain neurotransmitters. Phosphatidyl choline, a specialty supplement, plays an essential part in forming acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter. Calcium and magnesium regulate nerve impulses and contribute to neurotransmitter production. Similar to use of conventional medicines and lithium for bipolar, natural supplements act on brain chemistry and can bring about a reduction in symptoms.

A herbal remedy can be a valuable adjunct to lithium bipolar treatment, helping to minimize mood dysfunction and supplying the brain with critical nutrients needed for functioning.

Manic-depression is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed. It distorts moods and thoughts and interferes with rationality, and ultimately can erode the desire to live. Therefore, medical help is necessary when dealing with this condition.

“Everyone needs some stress. It is what makes us get up in the morning and do the things we do. It makes us achieve things and get from A to B and in doing so our Blood Pressure has to rise – it is part of the normal way of things”.

I paraphrase slightly but the gist of the above comment came from a conversation with a Doctor recently whilst reviewing my Blood Pressure medication.

I’m quite chuffed really in that I have managed to get my blood pressure down to manageable proportions and am in the process of changing the medication.

I have been moved from amlodipine which is a Calcium Channel Blocker to Lisinopril which is described as an “Angiotensin converting enzyme inhibitor” – an ACE Inhibitor but this is an aside, the real purpose of this article is to discuss stress and it’s influence on High Blood Pressure.

As was mentioned earlier, if you let stress either get to you or stay (for whatever reason) at perpetually high levels the risk of acquiring stress induced High Blood Pressure obviously increases.

Also not to beat around the bush for a minute, the risk of Stress related “Late Onset” Type 2 Diabetes also increases massively.

Alongside the risk of Type Diabetes there are a whole number of associated conditions that could arise and basically none of them do you any good.

Age is not really a factor here, it used to be but with current stress levels in Society, any sustained levels of stress are not good for you.

Learn to manage your stress and deal with it. Coming to terms and understanding where you are at present is a start and trying to find ways of coping with the stress is important.

Part of the problem with sustained stress and today’s Society is that we lack either the wherewithal or the motivation to be able to deal with our stress in sensible ways.

If you follow the stereotypical picture of today’s stressed out executive, the usual response to dealing with Stress is either through Alcohol (which induces associated problems of its own) or through severe exercise via a Gym.

Now firstly let me say, that there is nothing wrong with a small drink from time to time. I have been known to participate with the odd drink myself from time to time (in my younger days of course ) but taken to excess this can also add to your High Blood Pressure instead of reducing it.

Also the same can be said for working out in the gym. If all you need to do is to work out some of your frustration from the day then OK but if you happen to be harbouring an increased and unexplained Blood Pressure level then just blundering in and assuming extreme exercise is going to solve it is slightly dangerous.

Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness and sadness inside of you. You may feel isolated and separated from the world. Feeling like your family doesn't understand and doesn't want anything to do with you, to finding it difficult to make any new friends, or keep in touch with older friends. There are different kinds of loneliness and different degrees of loneliness. You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness. Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense hollowness and deep pain. You may feel lonely because you are missing a specific individual who has died or moved too far away. Another type might involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you have isolated yourself physically from them. You also might feel emotionally isolated when you are surrounded by people, but have difficulty reaching out to them.

Loneliness is different than just being alone. It needs to be emphasized here that loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person will always have time when they chose to be alone. Rather, loneliness is the feeling of being alone and feeling sad about it. And, of course, all of us feel lonely some of the time. It is only when we seem trapped in our loneliness that it becomes a real problem.

How do we contribute to our own sense of loneliness?

Loneliness is a passive state. That is, it is maintained by our passively letting it continue and doing nothing to change it. We hope it will go away, eventually, while all the while we do nothing, and let it envelop us. At times we may find ourselves actually embracing loneliness and sinking down into the feelings associated with it. This is harmful to us, as it usually leads to a deeper sense of depression and helplessness.

To stop feeling lonely, we first must accept that we are feeling lonely. Sometimes admitting that to ourselves is difficult. We might find ourselves writing in a diary, writing an imaginary letter to a friend or relative, drawing or painting a picture, making up a song, or doing anything else that lets us begin to express the feelings we have inside us—including talking with other people! Expressing our feelings might lead us to discover that we feel a number of things which might be connected to our feelings of loneliness, including sadness, anger, and frustration. We might be able to begin to see where these feelings are coming from—what they are connected to in our lives. As we begin to see the connections we will be more able to begin to make changes.

Become more active.

The big change, of course, is to stop being passive and become more active. If we’re missing someone, such as parents, family, or friends, we can telephone, write, e-mail or visit them. Talking to an understanding friend can often help change our moods as well. If we don’t have an understanding friend, talking with a pastor, teacher or counselor might be a place to start. If we are lonely because we are missing someone who has died, being able to express our grief at their loss and beginning to remember our happier moments with them and knowing that those memories can always be with us, can move us away from the lonely feelings. This can also apply to losses of significant friendships or lovers.

Get involved in activities or clubs.

Getting involved in some sort of activity or club can accomplish several things. It can take our minds off of feeling lonely as we get involved in the enjoyable activity. It can actually change our mood directly in this way. It can give us opportunities to meet people with similar interests and practice our people-meeting skills. It can provide some structure in our lives so that we have things to look forward to. It can remind us of how good we might have felt in the past doing similar things. Sometimes these effects can come very quickly and sometimes they may come more slowly. We might really need to push ourselves to go to meetings or talk to people or attend several activities before we begin to feel comfortable with what we are doing and begin to see progress. Perhaps something to avoid is to attempt to join a club or organization or to develop a new interest just because we think it will make us a better or more interesting person. A better strategy might be to get involved in something because we know we’ve enjoyed it in the past or because we think it might be fun. That way we’re more likely to find ourselves enjoying what we’re doing and being with people who genuinely enjoy the same things. We may also find out that some people like us for the way we already are. An added bonus is that we might also begin to realize that we could choose to engage in some of those activities or interests entirely on our own without feeling lonely.

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. Using some of the suggestions above will most likely help cope better with those feelings. If you find that you are having difficulty dealing with feelings of loneliness on your own, you may want to seek out the help of a mental health professional in your community.

A lot of people who are suicidal will give warning Signs of Suicide. Make sure you can recognize these signs where you can act on them. But never feel responsible for any harm one may do to themselves. Many who do harm themselves are very clever in hiding or pretending around others.

Suicidal people may talk or joke about suicide and make statements about being reunited with a deceased loved one. They may blurt out statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness. Example: "Life is useless." "Everyone would be better off without me." "It doesn't matter. I won't be around much longer anyway." "I wish I could just disappear."

Many have a preoccupation with death. Example: recurrent death themes in music, literature, or drawings. Writing letters or leaving notes referring to death or "the end".

They may appear suddenly happier or calmer, or have a loss of interest in things they once cared about. They might start visiting or calling people who they care about, or whom they haven't talked to in a long time. They may start giving possessions away, making personal arrangements, and setting one's affairs in order.

They can start exhibiting self-destructive behavior (alcohol/drug abuse, self-injury or mutilation, promiscuity), or being a lot more reckless, taking on all sorts of risk-taking behaviors. You may notice they seem to be having more accidents that are resulting in injuries, or maybe even close calls with death. If you see possible warning signs of suicide, it's alright to ask the person, "Are you planning to hurt yourself?" Don't worry about planting the idea in someone's head. Suicidal thoughts are common with depressive illnesses, although not all people have them. If a person has been thinking of suicide, he will be relieved and grateful that you were willing to be so open and nonjudgmental. It shows a person you truly care and take him seriously.

If you get a yes to your question, ask the individual more. Ask, "Do you have a plan?" If yes, ask, "Do you know when you would do it?" "Do you know how?" (today, next week?) "Do you have access to what you would use?" Asking these questions will give you an idea if the person is in immediate danger. If you feel they are, do not leave them alone! A suicidal person must see a doctor or psychiatrist immediately. You may have to take them to the nearest hospital emergency room or call 911. Always take thoughts of or plans for suicide seriously. Asking these questions will also show the person you really care, that you are not judging them.

Never keep a plan for suicide a secret. Don't worry about breaking a bond of friendship at this point. Friendships can be fixed, but lives can't be brought back. And never call a person's bluff, or try to minimize their problems by telling them they have everything to live for or how hurt his family would be. This will only increase their guilt and feelings of hopelessness. They need to be reassured that there is help, that what they are feeling is treatable, and that their suicidal feelings are temporary.

If you feel the person isn't in immediate danger, you can say things like, "I can tell you're really hurting", and "I care about you and will do my best to help you." Then follow through - help them find a doctor or a mental health professional. Be by their side when they make that first phone call, or go along with them to their first appointment. It's not a good idea to leave it up to a person to get help on their own. A supportive person can mean so much to someone who's in pain.

Attention deficit disorder, also known as ADD, is a syndrome caused by a structural defect in the brain. Inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity are symptoms children display when they have ADD.

Inattention

As most parents know, children don't have very long attention spans - that's normal. But a child with ADD will display a shorter attention span than kids of the same age. Most you children will grow restless and inattentive if a story being read goes longer than half an hour. A child with ADD will become inattentive after only 5-10 minutes.

Other signs of inattention would include being easily distracted, moving rapidly from one activity to another without completing any of them, failing to listen to or follow directions in class and at home, making more careless mistakes than one would expect from a child of that age, and consistently forgetting necessary items or supplies.

Hyperactivity For children that are extremely active and grow restless immediately, they have what is called hyperactivity. Signs of hyperactivity may include being restless or fidgety, constantly moving hands and feet even when sitting down, having trouble staying in an assigned seat, getting up and moving around inappropriately, being constantly on the go, etc.

Impulsivity

Impulsivity may manifest itself in many ways. The afflicted child may have trouble waiting his or her turn in games, or may shout out the answers in class before called upon. The child may also have trouble reading social cues and may try to force him or herself into the middle of conversations or games where he or she is not wanted.

Although these are the symptoms for ADD, it is important to remember that the child that is showing these signs should be worse than other children his or her age. Currently, there is no permanent cure for attention deficit disorder; but several treatments have been proven effective. If you suspect your child suffers from ADD, ask the school for a referral to a professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist that specializes in diagnosing and treating childhood disorders.

Why Doesn't Anyone Notice? That's what many people, especially teenagers are asking all across the globe. Self-Mutilation is becoming the way young people handle their frustrations and hurts. The physical pain of usually cutting, (or another form of self-harm), covers the pain in their heart. It's one of the biggest cries for help any one could give. Self-Mutilation needs to be taken very seriously, and the person should get help right away.

People who self-harm usually keep it very secretive, because they are embarrassed by doing it, but find it almost impossible to stop. It's a disorder where people perform their own kind of therapy, by cutting, burning, and hurting themselves. To those close to the self-injurer, the behavior is crazy, and improbable. Many believe that this is a performance, a way of begging for attention. In certain instances, that is the truth. However, most self-mutilation is deeper rooted. Still, getting people to go public with the disorder is rare. Self-mutilators believe they are alone in their cutting and that no one will ever understand. Today, one in 250 girls are self-mutilators.

Favazza broke this definition down into three categories: major self-mutilation, stereotypical self-mutilation, and superficial/moderate self-mutilation. Major self-mutilation includes atrocities such as eye enucleation, castration, and limb amputation. Stereotypical self-mutilation relates to repetitious head banging, hitting, and self-biting. Superficial/moderate self-mutilation is the most common and includes cutting, burning, bone breaking, and similar behavior. Self- mutilators injure their skin repeatedly whenever they feel overwhelming, uncontrollable emotion. Afterward, they feel calm and are able to function normally.

The average self-mutilator is a white female, usually in her late twenties whose cutting began around age 14 (Strong 26). The extremes include elderly women with hideous scars covering their arms, legs, and breasts. Men have been known to have cut off their entire testicles. Male self-mutilators usually cut themselves more severely than female. Cutters, the term self-mutilators use for themselves, are usually intelligent, creative, and even popular. Perhaps the most famous cutter was the late Princess Diana. In a television interview she explained, "You have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside because you want help." According to Andrew Morton author of Diana: Her True Story, the Princess even threw herself down the stairs. Prince Charles blamed it on her melodramatic attention seeking and scorned her as she bled (Strong 19). The whole process was a vicious cycle, even Diana believed her behavior to be begging for attention. In her anger at herself, she harmed herself even more.

The wounds cutters inflict upon themselves give them a sense of control and most of all it releases the pain inside. Before the cuts or burns are administered, the mind of the cutter is in disarray, completely and overwhelmingly panicked. This panic is always accompanied by a sense of "if something isn't done right away, I'll explode inside." After the cut is made, the self-mutilator feels relief. As the bleeding begins, the internal hysteria is ending. Or so the bleeder believes. The truth is the frenzy within is only postponed until the next episode. The next episode will be more demanding than the last, requiring more damage to ease the self-injurer's mind. As with every kind of abuse, cause by the person themselves, or by another person, each occurrence is worse than the last.

Neglect, abuse, and unhealthy environments are all contributing factors towards self-mutilation. Psychologists often prescribe Prozac to their self-abusing patients. Prozac and other drugs that raise serotonin levels have been proven to reduce cutting in some patients (Strong 108). Unfortunately this approach doesn't work with everyone. Therapy is the most effective way of ceasing self-mutilation. This type of therapy, however, may take many years. The progress is slow and very distressing for the patient, the patient's relatives, and the therapist. Compassion and understanding are imperative when handling a cutter. Labeling their actions as "crazy" or "stupid" could result in another cause for the continuation of the abuse. The patients suffer enough from uneducated diagnoses from the outside world. Those closest to them should become the support and comfort that the mutilator finds in the knife, or match. People need to be informed about this disorder and the symptoms. Cutters should know they are not alone and the people they love should be able to get them help, instead of adding to the problem. Most importantly, we all need to pay attention to each other and listen. It is unbelievable that the cuts of most self-mutilators can keep incrementing and no one notices.

A lot of people who suffer from anxiety experience feelings of guilt and somehow think that this means they are weak. This guilt is brought about by the realization that someone who at one time could do things so easily, now struggles to get through the day. They may be in a relationship, or have children, and feel guilty that they can no longer do the things they once could with their partner or children.

They may even fight their way through the day, putting on an act to prove to themselves that this thing will not get the better of them, only to go to bed at night more tired and anxious than ever. Anxiety can affect people from every profession, even doctors, the very people we first go to for help, so let me stress that you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Some partners may be very understanding about how you feel, but some may not. They may put pressure on you to ‘pull yourself together’ and the constant strain of trying to cope can tire you further, your partner’s lack of understanding hindering recovery. Thankfully, I did have an understanding partner and I explained to her that the person she could see was not the real me. I asked her to bear with me and told her that I wanted to be the person I once was and that, in time, I would be. I lost a few friends, as I was never available to go out. Certain people at work would snub me as I hardly spoke, but I did not wallow in self-pity! I knew I had to let all this negative stuff go and because of what I had been taught, I was not going to add any more worry to the mix. I also knew that I could sort all those problems out later when I was better.

At times, I felt like I was playing a role in a film, acting to try to appear normal, while other days attempting to hide how I felt. The pressure I felt trying to maintain this act, day after day, was immense and eventually I stopped trying to be the person I thought I should be.

So if you see yourself in this way, learn to put yourself first. You cannot keep trying to be the person you once were. You need to stop putting on an act, admit that you are no longer the person you used to be and you tell yourself that you don’t have to keep up this pretence any longer.

If you have an understanding partner, then great, you have the support you need. If not, I would suggest that you start talking to each other and ask your partner to listen. You can even suggest that they read this and explain to them just how much you need their support while you recover. If they truly care, then they will understand and give you this support. A lot of their anger is caused by frustration, frustration that the person they see is not the person they fell in love with and they want you back as much as you do. A little more understanding from them may give you the freedom to start recovery

Self-pity is another emotion that can drag you further into your illness. Again this stems from a reluctance to accept the way you are as you ask yourself the question ‘Why me?’ Constantly feeling sorry for yourself can only eat away at your spirit and cause you to feel more and more depressed about the way you feel. It is very easy to fall into this trap and I cannot stress enough just how important it is to accept how you feel and harbour as little self-pity as possible. Self-pity is a destructive emotion that will only prolong your negative feelings. You don’t need negative thinking during your time of recovery, so let all the negative thoughts go and build on the positives.

Most of us have heard the term Manic Depression in our lives. Now, it's called Bipolar Disorder. But what is it really, and what is it like to live with it?

Bipolar Disorder is a mental illness. It's a chemical disorder in the brain which causes severe mood swings in varying degrees from severe depression to wild mania. Currently, it is thought to affect approximately 2 million people in the United States, but that figure probably is way off as people continue to go undiagnosed for a variety of reasons.

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder:

Depression

• Feeling sad, anxious, or having an "empty" mood
• Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down", feeling exhausted or drained
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Insomnia, waking up earlier than normal, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Mania

• Abnormal or excessive elation, feeling as if one is on top of the world: invincible
• Unusual irritability
• Decreased need for sleep
• Grandiose notions
• Increased talking
• Racing thoughts
• Increased sexual desire
• Markedly increased energy
• Poor judgement
• Inappropriate social behavior

Living with Bipolar Disorder can be very difficult. Please note that I do not speak for every single person living with BP when I describe what some lives are like. Some people manage to live very normal, productive lives.

In a depression phase, it's nearly impossible to get out of bed, or even wake up at all. If we do make it out of bed, we usually find ourselves on the couch, not able to do anything productive until we begin to cycle up into a manic phase. Our houses become messy, we are not able to focus on anything, we feel like we don't care about anything, we often won't shower for days or weeks, we don't go anywhere. We lose our jobs, our homes, our friends, and sometimes our families. We are chronically suicidal and we do threaten and attempt suicide on a regular basis. It's almost like having a chronic flu; the depression keeps us that down.

When we're manic, that can bring an entirely different set of problems. While in a manic phase we can be extremely productive, we also are impulsive, reckless, irresponsible and dangerous. We drink too much, drive too fast and too recklessly, do drugs, gamble excessively and to the point where we lose everything. We are impulsive and sometimes cannot make the correct decisions. For some of us, anger comes with both phases and we are extremely dangerous.

It's impossible for people to tell us to 'snap out of it' or 'get over it' or some such similar 'advice' because that simply does not work. Bipolar Disorder is an illness, just like cancer, just like any other illness, and it must be treated and accepted as any other illness. Mental illness is not anyone's fault, it simply is and it's difficult enough simply living with any mental illness without the added judgement and stigma society adds on.

Most of us have heard the term Manic Depression in our lives. Now, it's called Bipolar Disorder. But what is it really, and what is it like to live with it?

Bipolar Disorder is a mental illness. It's a chemical disorder in the brain which causes severe mood swings in varying degrees from severe depression to wild mania. Currently, it is thought to affect approximately 2 million people in the United States, but that figure probably is way off as people continue to go undiagnosed for a variety of reasons.

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder:

Depression

• Feeling sad, anxious, or having an "empty" mood
• Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down", feeling exhausted or drained
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Insomnia, waking up earlier than normal, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Mania

• Abnormal or excessive elation, feeling as if one is on top of the world: invincible
• Unusual irritability
• Decreased need for sleep
• Grandiose notions
• Increased talking
• Racing thoughts
• Increased sexual desire
• Markedly increased energy
• Poor judgement
• Inappropriate social behavior

Living with Bipolar Disorder can be very difficult. Please note that I do not speak for every single person living with BP when I describe what some lives are like. Some people manage to live very normal, productive lives.

In a depression phase, it's nearly impossible to get out of bed, or even wake up at all. If we do make it out of bed, we usually find ourselves on the couch, not able to do anything productive until we begin to cycle up into a manic phase. Our houses become messy, we are not able to focus on anything, we feel like we don't care about anything, we often won't shower for days or weeks, we don't go anywhere. We lose our jobs, our homes, our friends, and sometimes our families. We are chronically suicidal and we do threaten and attempt suicide on a regular basis. It's almost like having a chronic flu; the depression keeps us that down.

When we're manic, that can bring an entirely different set of problems. While in a manic phase we can be extremely productive, we also are impulsive, reckless, irresponsible and dangerous. We drink too much, drive too fast and too recklessly, do drugs, gamble excessively and to the point where we lose everything. We are impulsive and sometimes cannot make the correct decisions. For some of us, anger comes with both phases and we are extremely dangerous.

It's impossible for people to tell us to 'snap out of it' or 'get over it' or some such similar 'advice' because that simply does not work. Bipolar Disorder is an illness, just like cancer, just like any other illness, and it must be treated and accepted as any other illness. Mental illness is not anyone's fault, it simply is and it's difficult enough simply living with any mental illness without the added judgement and stigma society adds on.